After suffering the bad date to end all bad dates last weekend, I have sworn to devote myself to immersion in the Platonic ideal, the life of the mind. Ne'er more shall sweaty palms approach me; fie to converse sneakers and appalling table manners. I call on you (few blog readers) as my witnesses!
To this end, very late last night, in a slightly gin-addled yet fired-with-purposefulness state, I sent the following email to the guy I was supposed to go out with tonight (PhD in math from Princeton, argumentative type...we had a nice time on the last date...but he DOES NOT FILL THE PRESCRIPTION):
>>>Hey E--I have unfortunately come to the realization that, in the interests of my own personal happiness as well as the evolution of the human species, it would be best that I never date again. I hereby officially remove myself from the gene pool. However, you are smart and funny, and I had a good time arguing with you last week. If you would be up for further completely and totally platonic philosophical debate and/or bullshit, there might be a dog eared page in the eternally sealed book of social interaction. Of course, I understand if you feel otherwise and, if that be the case, I will wish you well and direct my inner angst to baking cookies and knitting caps for my balding and otherwise undeserving roommate. ~S <<<
By all means, this should have sent him running hard and fast in the opposite direction.
and yet...
>>>ok, but wouldnt it be more entertaining if, say, winning an argument entitles me to a blowjob. if you win an argument, then, uh, i have to go yarn shopping with you.<<<
Shocking. And yet, these shock and awe tactics don't work on me...(or do they?)
>>>unfortunately for you, i never lose arguments.<<<
This would silence most, but apparently he has some Irish in him:
>>>i guess we'll find out, that is if you elect to put your, err, mouth where your mouth is. if you're around tonight or tomorrow, feel free to drop by on your way home.<<<
Oy. I'm afraid my fingers are typing too fast for the good angel in my right shoulder to catch up:
>>>for a math guy, you have a certain facility with words that i (in theory) admire. unfortunately, the gates to the nunnery close at sundown.<<<
Oh no...I fear I am being drawn into a flirtation!! Plato would be most displeased.
